So I discovered something lately – if you don’t make time for what you want to do it won’t magically appear. I mean of course I already knew that but I didn’t KNOW it if you can appreciate the difference. Sometimes you have to keep getting hit in the face with something until you learn the true meaning of the lesson. As Virginia Wolf said “a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” I think this could be paraphrased for many of us – “a mother must have time, a room of her own, a lock on its door and someone else looking after her beloved brood to write – full stop.”
In addition to not making writing a priority or having a place to lock myself away, one of the reasons for my lack of writing is that I haven’t been running. Running, as I have discovered, is the equivalent of a locked room as it is something that I do alone and gives me lots of time to think. Most of my blogs are written (or at least started) during those stretches of time with my mind free to roam and compose.
And this is all to say that I have been thinking about my blog but not doing any actual work. But as ever I am attempting to get back on track with my writing, my fitness, my home, my family, my mental and physical health etc. The list never really changes only more things get added. I am my own biggest renovation project.
Since November I have been in constant pain and this has severely limited what type of exercise I could do. I now have a much greater appreciation the pain that angry muscles can create. The pain continues but in May I made a decision to start training and going back to running despite the pain. In part this was prompted by my mood. My discovery that exercise improves my moods and gives me a very good tool to fight depression has now been confirmed by the reverse experiment i.e. taking the exercise away makes the depression worse. The other reason I decided to go back to exercising pain or no pain was my fear that this pain wasn’t going away any time soon. So with approval from my physiotherapist I started to do light exercise and even lighter running and to my great surprise and relief the pain didn’t get worse!! It wasn’t a miracle cure but slowly very slowly things have started to improve.
I also have a much greater appreciation for anyone who is recovering from injury. It’s been very discouraging starting over from the beginning. I have zero endurance or strength. Things that would have been easy are now very challenging. And not to mince words I HATE IT. And I miss having an audacious goal to strive towards. “Getting better” doesn’t quite hold a candle to “run a half marathon” in terms of goals.
But at long last I have started the journey. And I will keep going, Fortsatta.